There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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