You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize