Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
