I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
