i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
