You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
