I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
