If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
