Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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