Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
