I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
