Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize