I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
