the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
