sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
