I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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