that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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