my mouth tastes like poor choices
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
