i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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