the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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