Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
