Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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