I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
