Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
