u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
