just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
