and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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