I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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