evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
