she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
