Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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