I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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