I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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