Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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