theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
