did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize