hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize