i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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