I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
