i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
