I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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