I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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