I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
