I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
