Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
