i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
