You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
