Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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