sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
