I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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