It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
