And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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