There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
