I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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