Ketchup is God's man juice
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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