4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
