It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
