I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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