What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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