if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
