you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
