he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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