Do you still have your period?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize