I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
