they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize