dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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