just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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